donger need food.

a few hundred miles or so from the Oregon border. more here.

posted by VirtualErn @ 2:22 AM 6 comments

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Mental Note To Self...

...no more coffee after 9PM!
It's freakin' after midnight and I'm tossing and turning and can't seem to sleep. Early this evening, staring into that styrofoam cup filled with coffee (Tim Horton's!), I told myself...this is a lot to be drinking this late at night. But did I listen? Of course not! Maybe I should have taken up Tina and Ed's offer to drink more sangria. It was quite tasty, but I'm not a sangria man. And besides, I kinda felt like driving home tonight...even if Herna didn't feel like a saunter from Freakmont to South City with the top down.

And so here I am, dumping more stream-of-conscious nothingness into a freakin' blog. And there's like 4 unfinished books strewn about the floor of my bedroom (just picked up Tao Of Pooh the other day -- looks like an easy read compared with that incredibly heavyweight Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). And I got a crapload of work due tomorrow, and meetings scheduled up the yin-yang.

Maybe I should crack open the bottle of coconut rum in the kitchen

...er, maybe not. :)

Heh, I remember one of my co-workers at my first job telling me that if you have problems sleeping, take a swig of Southern Comfort. I know that recently I've been drinking more frequently than normal, but having a drink by myself before going to bed is a precedent I don't feel like setting tonight. Oh, I know...I'll get those recordings of Jota PK uploaded to the server -- heck, I told Bryan I'd finish 'em tonight -- and I'm a man of my word, right?

You know, I still haven't figured out what the heck to do with this tiny little outpost on the world wide web. It started out as just some way for me to jot down my thoughts for posterity (if these servers last any length of time) and practice my writing.

[aw great, I just dropped my iRiver on the freakin' floor...I know it's been over a year now since I've had 'em, but van damn I can't get over how good these mics are! Can't wait to test 'em out at MotoGP in 2 weeks!!! bwahahahah - I got a great quote from Professor Ed: "feel like I'm poking at the wrong hole"]

But somehow, word got out that I was blogging and wouldn't you know it, feedback started to trickle in on these little pieces of mindless banter that I threw out there. Then the funny thing started to happen...this little venture started to turn into a self-indulgent plea for attention. "What can I write about next?" started to run through my mind. Hell, I was on vacation, didn't want to think about work at all, and this seemed quite exciting. I had originally intended this to be simply a pulpit from which I could broadcast thoughts about things in life, somehow showcase my own little view of the world around me. And then it was back to the reality that is work, and it's been pretty difficult to get back into the swing of things. I honestly think I should have taken more time off, because it's been over a week back and I'm still struggling to "get that feeling again". I just don't have that drive & desire yet. Hopefully it comes back soon, because it's been a struggle to just drag myself into the office.

So what else is there to talk about? I mean, this could turn into some bare-all expose about yours truly, but alas...that's what journals are for.

I could talk about cars...I could go on and on...but I'm not quite in the mood for that.

[man, this D-Styles vs DJ Q-Bert "Underarms" is a great track. nifty scratching backed by a solid beat]

That reminds me...I gotta pull out some of my old CDs that I haven't listened to in ages. With all those damned mp3s, I've neglected those several hundred pieces of aluminum sitting in my cases. OJ playing Coldplay tonight reminded me for some reason that I miss listening to Radiohead's OK Computer. The bright clear sunshine days definitely don't call for this album, but I'm itching to hear it again. And maybe along the way I'll find something else that I miss listening to, like some Janet Jackson tracks -- hehehhehe Pernasty -- or maybe some old Lisa Loeb and Jewel and hell...maybe even some country cross-over shit! hahahhaha...I really should think about selling all my CDs.

Hell, I really need to sell a lot of my crap...there's just so much useless junk sitting here from projects that have gone uncompleted. Like that separates audio system that I've wanted to build. It's so wonderful to audition a great audio system. It's only happened to me on a couple of occassions, and they weren't even top notch Mark Levinson level stuff. But they blew me away. It makes you want to re-listen to every single one of your CDs. Most recently, it was my co-worker who took me on an adventure with his Rotel-backed B&W Nautilus system. He nailed the setup, and it was a sound that I can't describe. I swear...you close your eyes, and Ray Charles is sitting there, 8 and a half feet in front of you, slightly to the left, jamming on his piano and belching out some beautiful tunes. And then he played 2 CDs from U2. From 2 totally different time periods and producers. Joshua Tree sounded like absolute crap. And their latest album was just simply breathtaking. Pretty trippy how a good audio system can totally expose poorly engineered recordings.

So then the question I kept asking myself was, what is it worth to me? Sure, the listening experience was unbelievable. But I'm rarely ever home to play GT4, let alone enjoy a nice evening alone listening to music with a book in one hand & a cognac in the other. And when you do get the equipment, how long before you desire something better, something more? I still remember how amazed I was the first time I heard Basia's Sweetest Illusion through my amateur level NAD receiver and Paradigm Titans...listening to them now, I'm only slightly impressed. Maybe someday, when priorities change and my desire to go wheel to wheel racing weans (yeah right), or if VMware hits $200 a share (yeah right). But until then, I'm content with my lowly iRiver cranking through low-fi 128kbps mp3s and seven year old thirty dollar Denon headphones. Hey, that reminds me! I bought these headphones back in 1998 when I visited San Francisco for one of the first times. At the Good Guys on Van Ness no less. Wow...totally forgot about that. Heh, and I remember having lunch with Bryan that day too, walking through the TL in my suit. Little did I know the city back then.

Heh. I guess it's really easy to get carried away rambling about (essentially) nothing in these web log thingies. The sad thing is, it's 2AM and I'm still wide awake. Maybe a round of GT4 is in order.

Or maybe I should go and waste some natural resources in a nice drive.

Maybe not.

posted by VirtualErn @ 12:38 AM 4 comments

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to offset all the "dude talk" 

posted by VirtualErn @ 8:12 AM 6 comments

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Jus Hang Loose, Blood.

He stares into the steady stream of water flowing next to the ground beneath him. His broken reflection at times appears clearly, reminding him of where's he been and where he's headed. The stream, although calm now, hasn't always been as forgiving. He recalls a distant land when the now smooth and calm stream was a gushing tumultous body of water, carving an indelible mark through the harsh bedrock. When it was the best he could do to keep from getting sucked into its fury. He slipped a few times, finding himself carried along as it rushed into lands unknown. Luckly, as he reached out, he found something solid to grab on to for save haven until the storm subsided. And so now he looks onward, into the great unknown, wondering what awaits...a calm lake...or a waterfall, perhaps? A 300ft sheer drop into oblivion? Or that something which would put an end to all the restlessness and quell that never ceasing voice urging him to move on?

It's funny when I think back to what everyone said about me in high school; they were right -- I am so materialistic. To this day, I still manage to convince myself that I need all this excessive crap to keep me satisfied. But then if I get 'em, I'm not...it always ends up where I'm eventually bored with it, or I get distracted by something better that comes along and catches my eye. Could this be just a symptom of that big capitalism machine that has worked its magic since the day I first turned on a television set? Or is there something ingrained in my persona that urges me on in that relentless cycle of acquire/consume/dispose? Regardless, I just have this never ending fascination with stuff. Last night, I took Angelo's E34 for a spin. The car is a little tired, but I loved it! From the deep rumble of the single overhead cam straight six, to the harsh yet solid thunk of the door slam (keeping with the tradition of cold German engineering). Going around corners, the car felt much more lively than the 3500 pounds would suggest...well balanced, with no hint of understeer. I just couldn't get over how they managed to make the car feel light...something which has kept me hesitant from returning to mid-size 4 door sedans after selling that (rather) plump old Maxima. Oh, and by the way, spinning a 3800lb front wheel drive sedan doing 90+ on a freeway onramp is not a lot of fun.

And so now I'm back to that same place I was back in 1996, when I first fell in love with the E34 M5. Thank you, Angelo, for letting me fall into this trap. And thank you, Car & Driver, for convincing me ten years ago that some day I need to go out and get myself a 315hp super saloon, with its race-derived lopey-idle and 7000RPM redline and faster quarter mile time than a twin turbo Z.

Heh. I don't think I'll ever grow up.

posted by VirtualErn @ 10:25 AM 14 comments

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Up on Grouse. 

posted by VirtualErn @ 9:12 PM 4 comments

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posted by VirtualErn @ 9:11 PM 0 comments

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Tidbits

Too lazy to write anything indulgent, so miscellaneous crap it is...

• I really want an E30 now
• I've been drinking a lot lately. Must be the stress of going back to work. Sake & beer on Sunday, beer on Monday, wine on Tuesday, then plum sake & beer last night.
• Tiering a switch and hub is a BAD thing to do
• Gum measuring sucks. 2-3-2...4-3-3... at least I didn't have any cavities
• I need to start an exercise program.
• I miss playing softball
• and basketball
• and tennis
• and racquetball
• I miss playing music with the Rondizzy crew, can't wait 'til Friday
• My piano playing has deteriorated severely. My fingers are all over the place, no control anymore.
• That's the last time I skimp on cheap inkjet photo paper
• Love triangles suck, and emotions are a powerful thing. Can't believe three people died at 415 Grand because of it.
• This week can't end soon enough; maybe next week will be a better one at work. Maybe I just need to totally refocus on work again, I'm just so freakin' distracted.

posted by VirtualErn @ 11:16 PM 1 comments

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Best damned macchiato I've ever had.

posted by VirtualErn @ 4:20 PM 2 comments

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72 degrees. Or, The Wondrous Feeling of A Beautiful Drive Home in Northern California

There are moments in my life when all else falls by the wayside, when I am living strictly for those precious few moments in time and space, when nothing past or future really matters. Driving up the 280 as it winds its way through the western side of the peninsula, I find myself in one of those moments. Left side windows cracked open in my resurrected G ride, Smashing Pumpkins silently wailing away on the stereo (gotta remember to fix that blown rear speaker), and the air is a crisp and balmy 72 degrees and falling. The sun is off to the high left now, casting a wonderful side glow to all the passing cars and brown/green hillsides. I love this time of day...my cousin hated dusk -- said it always reminded him of death/termination/end. I loved it. Long shadows, red orange glow, cooling temperatures, and sidelit architecture. And some people tell me if you are lucky enough, you'll catch a brief glimpse when the sky turns momentarily green (or was it purple?) as the sun passes through bands of pollution/ozone/nitrogen/whatever. I have yet to see it.

But it's moments like these that make it all worth while...a carpet of clouds slowly draping over the hillsides to my left, as the cool onshore flow moves into the valley. Somewhere up in those hills Skyline Blvd cuts its swath through the trees, filled with fog and cover -- a dangerous road during times like these -- but fun to drive on a nice day. It's times like these that keep me from ever wanting to leave this place, this state. As my foot plunges the weee pedal further into the carpet, forcing a deep growl from the tired old two liter air pump under the hood (200 thousand miles tired) I think about all those similar moments long gone by...

That cool day in October out in the middle of abso-fuckin-lutely nowhere in Joshua Tree National Monument when the silence of the desert was just unbelievably ear crushing I was totally stunned.

Or motoring with the top down in Avenue of the Giants, where all we could see around us was trees -- towering taller than a bunch of high rent condominiums

And that visit to the Imperial Sand Dunes, looking out across the sandy hills as the low setting sun added its orange texture to the world.

And Hwy 25 just south of Hollister, when Herna and I lost ourselves for about 7 hours on a detour gone wrong, but found ourselves in the middle of some of the most amazingly beautiful areas we had ever seen (not to mention some of the biggest mommahonker cows you could ever imagine)

Then there's those many March days in San Diego that I could never forget... walking through the streets of my old stomping grounds (coming back from tennis practice or walking home from school), patches of the brightest white clouds in the sky (and not a hint of rain), backed by the deepest blue sky I had ever seen. And a moderate 72 degree breeze chills you just enough where the sun overhead is not enough to make you break a sweat...

Yes, California would be a tough place for me to leave some day. I hope I remain lucky enough to enjoy it for years to come. I don't think I could deal with the crap of a day back to work after one of the best vacations I've ever had (really) if there wasn't all of this to keep me sane.

posted by VirtualErn @ 10:01 PM 8 comments

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Back to the grind

It's twenty after eight, the roomies are watching last week's rendition of Mutya on the sofa in front of me (Paseo was two dances ago) and then it hit me...I go back to work tomorrow. In a way, it's for the best; athough the past 10 days have been extremely refreshing for my soul (and my sanity) I already feel a need for that strange nervousness... That wild, crazy non stop stress laden have-to-do-everything feeling that comes with the responibility of fifteen people and QA for the entire hosted products division. Before the time off, it was a feeling that was really bogging me down -- but I realize that without it, the vacation would not have been as enjoyable as it was. I'll treasure these past few days for a mighty long time.

And so begs the question...what happens when I'm back to work? This online journal-slash-blog thingy is quite handy, serving as a nice cathartic outlet for this lowly software-geek-wanna-be-racecar-driver. It's a nice way for me to not only brush up on my horribly rusty writing skills but also to hopefully capture the essence of those tiny little life events that fade away into nothingness years later. I think of years back, sitting in gold 'ol Mr. G.'s high school US History class, and he's telling us to "write in your journals!" And now, it's some umteen years later and I can't remember a lot of the things I was thinking back then. So I'll keep going, and see how far it takes me.

(Gawd this entry sucked.)

Ooooh! Manny just busted out the Dove bars. Mmmmmmmmm...chocolate.

posted by VirtualErn @ 8:16 PM 1 comments

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My favorite picture from last weekend 

posted by VirtualErn @ 2:50 PM 5 comments

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God Put A Smile Upon Your Face

Idle hands are the Devil's playthings

So the "thrill" and "excitement" of this whole new blogging venture courtesy of my dear friends from LIKHA has not quite worn off yet. In fact, it's a seriously dangerous activity -- bordering on addiction -- made even more evil since my mind is about ten million light years away from work. Everything I do is just filled with rampant thoughts, built up through years of introspection just waiting for the right medium through which to be expressed. And so here I am, coaxing strange utterances from my dustly yet slick black KeyTronic keyboard while some strange whiteboy from Coldplay moans away lyrics from their 2002 album. Regardless of the activity, be it hacking away at lush vegetation (weeds) or wrestling with a greasy 10mm alternator bolt or putting soothing aloe vera gel on my irritated arms, there's this pounding stream of consciousness brewing in my head, drowning out the everyday sounds of the mundane.

And there's this looming black cloud in the corner of my mind that I haven't yet figured out how to address -- but it's there, staring me in the face, beckoning me to wrestle with those REALLY hard questions about life, love, and future. But I'll ignore it for now, hoping for the best that the spectre will somehow fade away with time. Yeah, that's it...ignorance will somehow quell those dangerous emotions and thoughts -- lest I forget the teaching of Emotional Intelligence: don't let emotions dictate your actions

So I filled yet another 96gal worth of weeds in the yard waste bin. That Craftsman line trimmer kicks ass! I cut a swath through the upper levels of the yard -- I figure another full bin next weekend and I'll be done. Also had some fun with Manny's machetes; felt almost like a scene out of Predator, hacking away at some thick ass brush. Swoosh-Crack! Swoosh-Crack! I guess the rest of the day I'll (finally) get the Honda washed and get the other Rondalla picture framed. Hopefully Adelbert will also drop off the long awaited Harana CD later today.

Being on vacation is such pure sweet wondrous bliss.

posted by VirtualErn @ 2:04 PM 6 comments

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Desire, and that which you do not have

"You have total grass-is-greener syndrome"

A simple statement, really. But when Bryan uttered these words over breakfast at Moxie's (or was it in the car on the way to Grouse?) earlier this week in response to the excitement Manny and I had shared about the visit to Vancouver it really struck me. It's several days later and the words continue to echo in my mind, haunting me like a song that I can't get out of my head.

Could it be?

Is this the reason why I lack focus and attention? Is this why my mind wanders off into thoughts of times gone by, of places yet unexplored, of people that have crossed my paths and moved on in their lives? Sometimes I find myself driving down the street (or sitting on a chair in a crowded restaurant or walking on a bustling avenue) watching the people go by and painting pictures of their lives. The busy busy business woman, on the cellphone in her top down 330 BMW talking with her girlfriend about the crap her sugar daddy was giving her about the bag she bought at Nordstrom's...The stressed out asian student rushing, already late for his second job, rushing to the BART station...Sometimes I find myself distracted with conjured up stories about the people around me. Could it be that I'm just never content with what I have, no matter how good?

ISTP - Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving. That's what the MTBI test told me. They managed to sum me up in one phrase "always willing to try something once"

That explains it, alright. Why I have this unbelievable fear of being stuck with one thing, why I can't manage to focus on something and truly master it. You name it, I've tried it, but haven't taken it to that upper echelon of skill and mastery where immortality, fame and "the zone" await. Nope, something cooler/neater/better/different/that I don't have always manages to come along and distract me. Be it photography, piano, tennis, racquetball, autocross, guitar, video games, writing software, cooking...there is that amazing initial thrill of doing something new and exciting. Then once it wears off, that's it. The commitment dissipates and it's drudgery until the next new thing catches my eye.

[hm. this new Coldplay album isn't bad]

So am I doomed to float through life from milestone to milestone, apple to apple, without consistency and commitment? Well, hell...

...is there anything even wrong with that?

posted by VirtualErn @ 10:58 AM 1 comments

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What is happiness?

• Washing off 4 hours worth of grease and radiator fluid from your hands with Fast Orange
• Sweeping out a garage
• Not having to worry about deadlines and product schedules and your team's happiness and localization needs and task scheduling and meetings with Intel and griping development managers and reports and Test Design Specifications and Test Plans and Powerpoint presentations and new hire welcome lunches and scheduling interviews and phone screens with lame ass job candidates and virus infections and...
• Being able to hop on the piano after what seems like years since the last time I played and no one is around to criticize me
• Dry aged, corn fed USDA Prime grade New York Strip steak cooked to perfection
• Capturing on film a single fleeting moment in time, never to be recreated, for eterenity.
• The unholy wail of a Ferrari 550 Maranello race car at full song
• That moment of sheer terror you feel when you think you've lost your wallet, and your heart races off and your adrenline flows like a mad river gone berzerk, and then you realize it was in your pocket all along
• Watching someone who is a master at his craft, doing what he does best, and making it look effortless
• Having all the time in the world to spend on compiling silly lists on some ephemeral nothingness made up of nothing but ones and zeroes to be digested by God knows who; maybe some day to be replayed for your sake, during some ceremony somewhere years from now

posted by VirtualErn @ 4:42 PM 0 comments

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Victory is mine!

New alternator in.
Wheel stud replaced.
Oh, sweet joy.

The charge indicator light comes on now with the ignition. The battery reads a steady 14.5V now (11.5 yesterday with motor+accessories running). Damned NAPA reman alternators. It's strictly Nissan factory parts from now on. Quick shower to wash off all the crud, and I'm contemplating a quick blast around town with the wind in my hair and the sun in my face. It'll be a sad day next month when I finally sell the Honda...she's been a great friend in the past year, filling Herna and I with memories to last a lifetime. Memories of shaded canopies of gargantuan redwoods looming overhead; of wind-swept and rocky deserted coastlines; of the 2 story drop down the turn 8 carousel at Laguna Seca; and that ungodly wail of two liters of pure magic shrieking along at 9000RPM.

Oh well...it's off to Little Lucca deli for a damned good sammich, then to Cost Plus for a few frames for my favorite Rondizzy pics.

Maybe I'll take the time to matte 'em. the sun is shining really bright outside
Maybe not.

posted by VirtualErn @ 11:56 AM 1 comments

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Mindless banter

Pain heals
Chicks dig scars
And glory,
...glory lasts forever

Every so often I find random songs playing in my head. It isn't as frequent now -- not like on Monday when it was non-stop Alibangbang, Mutya, Paseo (shudder), Manilena as I was walking through the trees up on Grouse Mountain and in Capilano. So now it's just me waking up to Manilena and singing it in my head. Echoes of images from the show still resonate in my mind...the Manilena dancers moving across the stage in front of us as we crank through Manilena, lights blaring as we play bar after bar, measure after measure. I'm still amazed at how they nailed the clapping of the castanets, matching our pace when they failed so many times before. And I can still feel the heat of the lights fall on my face and the random crowd members that I see when I look out into the distance. If I try hard enough, I can still hear the sound of the lamps in the wings as they cool off during light changes ticktickticktick-tick-tick...tick.....tick

eh

Enough of this...time to move on and prepare myself for the reality that lies ahead. 3 more days and it's back to the grind that pays for all these wonderful things that I enjoy so much in my life. It was definitely an honor and a privilege to have been able to participate in such a fun couple of performances, filling us all with a lifetime of memories. I'll nuture these feelings for quite some time, until our next performance (big or small).

The alternator (and now a broken wheel stud) awaits.

posted by VirtualErn @ 8:48 AM 2 comments

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Underpinnings of a Thursday

I awoke this morning to the incessant cry of a mechanical buzz courtesy of the Sony Dream Machine, desperately seeking my attention from deep within the bowels of my medium pile carpet. Several failed attempts at dissuasion later, I relented with a sigh and rolled my grouchy body out of the warm domicile that was my bed. Too much into my vacation to care about today's schedule, I quickly recalled the 2 hours of MotoGP coverage lurking within the confines of that electronic box that used to be the craze before the advent of 5" aluminum discs -- my VCR.

Valentino was his typical superhuman self, winning both rounds hands down. What an amazing talent, passing riders on the edge of adhesion in his Yamaha. It must be a wonderful feeling to be at the top of your game, to know unequivocally that you are the absolute best at what you do...that nothing is beyond your reach. Imagine the high that your body, your mind and your soul experiences during these moments of pure joy -- my feeble mind reaches back into the deep recesses of the memory books and for a few brief moments, I recall a couple, no, maybe a handful of instances when that feeling was mine. Eh. No use reminiscing on times long gone -- that's what old people do.

After my fill of motorcycle racing and hopeless ambitions of grandeur piloting a 120kg sled to 320km/h down the front straight, I begin the mundaneness that is just another Thursday. But it's not just "another Thursday". This one is special...there's a void; something very wrong missing -- work. Past Thursdays usually pointed to the rudimentary generation of weekly status reports, MS Outlook reminders buzzing my pristine WRX-bliss desktop wallpaper. But not this one. This day, with clouds looming overhead and dots of moisture on the ground, was meant for only one thing...maintenance.

My beloved Japanese import, a similar model once the grand victor in the Japanese Touring Car Championship of a decade ago, sits neglected in the cold sanctum of the 2 vehicle garage, hood propped open, dormant without a pulse as her battery sits discharged on the hard concrete floor. Thoughts run through my mind of ambitious goals like a clutch replacement; flywheel resurfacing; axle replacement. I contemplate the reward of a big job well done as time starts slipping from my fingers...10AM fast approaches and I still haven't purchased a battery. Alas, my procrastinating spirit will save the big stuff for another day and focus on getting the show on the road. A quick run down to the nearby Sears megasyore-one-stop-shop-for-all-your-clothes-and-Kenmore-Craftsman-hand-tool-needs yields me a beautiful Red Top sealed lead gel power unit. 10 minutes of improvisation with some washers and the rebadged Primera fires up willingly. Victory!

And yet, the celebration is only half as sweet; I still have an alternator to replace. My instinctual procrastination immediately kicks in and I find myself chatting up a storm with Randy several hours later -- It's been over 5 days since the experience and we're still reliving the highs and lows. The trip has infused a huge shot of something into our lives; for me personally, it's a spike of change that has been sorely needed in my life that up to this point has consisted of mindless banter about test coverage reports, defect removal efficiency metrics, and performance evaluations of others that have and haven't found their exact place in this world. And to think before embarking on this venture I had voiced complaints to the all-powerful-Director-of-QA that "all this stress isn't worth going on vacation" (to which she quickly replied "but you haven't gone yet!")

I must remember to do this more often; my last e-mail-less and cellphone-less vacation was last July.

The alternator awaits.

posted by VirtualErn @ 2:36 PM 5 comments

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Dong...

10 REM First attempt at this blog thing
20 PRINT "Hello World."
30 GOTO 20

posted by VirtualErn @ 2:09 PM 3 comments

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