donger need food.

What To Do In Texas When You're Not Dead

Chicken Fried Bacon!!!

I'll have mine with a 64oz side of bone-in ribeye, please.

posted by VirtualErn @ 3:09 PM 2 comments

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Call Me Old Fashioned...

But there is just something fundamentally wrong with buying an automated room deodorizer like they use in public bathrooms. Is it that hard to keep your house clean??

posted by VirtualErn @ 1:52 PM 0 comments

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Eating My Cake...

But for the past few months I've slowly come to grips with the reality that the path to home ownership is paved with the gold bricks of hundreds of materialistic sacrifices. Things that I just need to learn how to live without.

I don't know what happened along the way that threw my economies of scale so far out of whack from the $7/week allowance of 20 years ago. I guess I just got suckered into it all. Years of continual:

I want.



Like the 17 years of aged and cracked registration stickers piled on top of my license plate, it's time for renewal. Feel the blood ooze from under my fingernails as I chip away at each hardened metallic decal...given enough time, I'll eventually strip away the rotting epidermic excess down to the bare metal and start anew.

posted by VirtualErn @ 2:55 PM 0 comments

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Yum Yum Dim Sum

For those of you San Francisco-ites, this place on Geary has the best Dim Sum I've ever had so far (excluding Hong Kong & Taiwan). The place is small, so lines are long but the dishes are made to order. Everything is super fresh - and the best part - super cheap. They have a special grilled oyster that is superb. I was suprised at the calamari, the freshest and with the lightest batter I have ever had (no kidding) - only problem was that it was a bit too salty. Good jellyfish, good buns, good steamed dumplings...you get the point.

posted by VirtualErn @ 6:47 PM 0 comments

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Garbage Fruit

Sharp thorny frozen shards of wooden shrapnel fly across the kitchen floor with each forceful swing of the shiny steel cleaver. That distinct foul odor, although dampened by a frozen journey across the pacific, wafts throughout my apartment.

I wonder what this thing smells like in the wild? Imagine the words that the first humans uttered after stumbling upon this wonderful work of mother nature: "holy @#*^! What is that gawd-awful smell! It smells like ass!!"

For nearly 45 minutes I struggle to release the bounty buried within, cutting my fingers on the sharp needles covering the hardened exterior and making an absolute mess in the process. But the journey proves worth it... A plate full of stinky goodness with the consistency of fibrous melted yellow brain, sweet as liquid sugar. I'm in heaven.


Damn, I want another one...I wonder if Ranch 99 is still open?

posted by VirtualErn @ 6:26 PM 6 comments

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Pop Quiz

It's 8PM. You just started an hour-long conference call with the China team where you're presenting an important slide deck. Five minutes into it, your stomach starts grumbling. You have to use the bathroom.

Do you:

1. Tell everyone to call back later
2. Put the phone on mute before meeting starts and run to the bathroom hoping no one hears or asks you questions
   
3. Hold it and hope to high heaven that you can finish the meeting early
4. You need a new chair and pants anyways...just let it go

posted by VirtualErn @ 8:54 PM 2 comments

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