Saturday, December 24, 2005

What Kind of Car Geek Are You?

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...
Only my bored little fingers, still reeking of the Yoshida sauce and pork spare ribs from dinner.

So as I wait to get ready for the annual Christmas Eve mass at my childhood parish, I peruse the pages of this month's issue of Sport Compact Car. To the tune of Wake Me Up When September Ends, I started thinking...

What kind of car guy/girl are you?

Ambivolent
  1. You'd rather go to the mall holding your boyfriend/girlfriend's shopping bags than go watch a car show. On TV.
  2. Your dream car is that new minivan with power doors, power liftgate, DVD player, rear air-conditioning, and a 100K mile warranty. And you think an orange '71 Datsun 510 is an ugly car.
  3. You think the only difference between 87, 89, 91, 93, and 100 octane gas is price. Whoa... they sell 100 octane?
  4. You have never changed the oil in your car before.
  5. You don't know where the hood release lever is.
Poser
  1. You rev your automatic in neutral while accelerating to pretend that you have a manual.
  2. On that same car, you put a 3" canister muffler with a 1" outlet on the stock exhaust.
  3. You try to race on the street. Against WRXs. While driving your Mom's 4-cylinder Accord that was described in #1 & #2.
  4. You dream about 19" spinners on that same car.
  5. You think Fast And The Furious is the greatest car movie ever.
Wanna Be
  1. You read all the car magazines that you can get your hands on. You read all the car forums on the internet. Every day.
  2. You know what "rev-match" means.
  3. You know what the difference is between a header and an exhaust manifold.
  4. You can talk for hours about things car-related, never having actually done any of 'em.
  5. You dream about installing a turbo in your car.
Aficionado
  1. You've spun your $25K daily driver on the track.
  2. You actually can rev-match your downshifts.
  3. You've installed your own header. In your apartment complex.
  4. You blow $500 a month on track days. But you don't race. ...Yet
  5. You go absolutely insane when in the presence of a Top Fuel Dragster, an F1 car, a MotoGP bike, or an Indy Car. Or hell, when you see something like a Porsche 959, a McLaren F1, or a Ferrari 288GTO on the street.
If they cut you, you'll bleed Amsoil 10W-30
  1. You've spun your $50K daily driver on the street. While practicing on a freeway onramp. In the rain.
  2. You can't remember how many motors you've blown.
  3. You can drive 50 laps around a racetrack. Without using the clutch.
  4. You've rebuilt a carburetor, a transmission, and a DOHC straight six.
  5. You race everything... riding lawn mowers, office stools, matchbox cars, empty boxes, and people walking in the park on a Sunday.

Now if only Santa would stop by later tonight to hand deliver the keys to my very own fully-prepped and tuned race car. Oh please oh please oh please! I promise I'll be a good boy next year! :)

posted by VirtualErn @ 8:48 PM

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