donger need food.

How Not To Grow Old

The other day, on my way northbound on the 101 after a late night at the office, I realized that my refrigerator was running low on the essentials. So I decided to take a detour and restock at the local Albertson's. It was oh, around 10PM. The strip mall parking lot was pretty much deserted, with a few cars scattered throughout dimly lit by the few overhead lights that were working. I pulled into a lonely spot several spaces away from the entrance, for the (false?) sense of security provided by the lampost above. Stepping out into the crisp night air, I cinch my trusty wool jacket tight (I really need a new jacket) and start the stroll toward the entrance. It's a clear night up above. Up ahead near the entrance I noticed an elderly man just finishing up the loading of his groceries into the trunk of his silver Cadillac coupe parked in the handicapped spot just next to the entrance. "It sure is a nice evening", I thought. The moon was bright up above, and I was still reeling from the excitement of completing that massive 12 hour timing belt job over the weekend. I was excited for the upcoming time off from work and the prospect of competing in an autocross soon.

As I walked closer to the entrance, I started to hear a strange sound...like the sound of a garden hose left running, dribbling a stream of water onto the pavement below. I look to my right, and noticed what appeared to be water splashing on the asphalt near that old guy's open driver door. It took a few seconds for it to click in, but this guy was taking a piss! He was hiding behind his open driver side door and urinating. Pissing. Draining the weasel. Shaking the dew off his lilly.

Sadly, my first instinct was to whip out my pocket camera and start shooting (what is wrong with me!). But instead, I decided to not make a big fuss and move along. He could have a medical problem that precludes him from controlling bodily functions. He could be in the early phases of senility. Whatever the case, it's not something that would've been helped by me screaming out, "Hey! This guy's taking a leak out here!"

So I continued into the store and looked for my turkey, swiss, 12-grain Orowheat, baby spinach, Lactaid, and alfalfa sprouts. And hoped & prayed that I never have to find myself in a situation where I was forced to urinate outside my car in the handicapped space in an Albertson's parking lot.

I really hope the fact that I walked the office that day after forgetting to zip up my pants isn't a precursor of more things to come.

Isn't there some magical pill I can take?

posted by VirtualErn @ 10:10 AM

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