Monday, July 31, 2006

The Art Of Taking A Cold Shower

Phase One – Mental Preparation

  1. Determine the optimal time for said shower: Carefully weigh the pros and cons between taking a shower when it’s hottest (cool and refreshing or freakin’ freezing depending on your viewpoint) – or coldest (maybe less of a shock to the system?)
  2. Minimize the number of showers taken to reduce exposure to the cold water; but definitely take a shower at least once a week to avoid smelling like a bum.
  3. Find a window during the day when the least amount of water is being used so that you won’t run out of water while the pump fills up the tank – that’s the worst thing to happen…no pressure in the middle of a cold shower.
  4. OK, now gather the courage and finally face the cold hard fact that you’re going to have to take a shower, so just deal with it like a man.

Phase Two – The shower

  1. Turn on the water, and let it run. Imagine the clean refreshing feeling of its coolness running down your skin coated with several days worth of diesel soot, sweat, and dried up DEET. Dip your hands underneath, and forget that it’s ice cold.
  2. Start with the extremities – feet, then legs. Hands, then arms.
  3. Work closer to the main part of your body now…let the water touch your belly, then your chest.
  4. Wet your hair now. See, it’s not too bad…so let out a sigh of relief.
  5. OK, shut off the water and take a quick break while you grab the shampoo bottle. Work it into your wet hair, and massage your scalp
  6. The water’s back on now, so quickly dip it under the water – “brrrrrrrrr!!” Go ahead, let out a nice good shiver. As streams of water start dripping down your back, you realize it ain’t too bad.
  7. And then you actually turn around and let the shower touch your back: BRRRRRR!!!! Got damnit that’s FREAKIN’ cold!!!!
  8. Now just finish washing your face and you’re all done.

I sure miss my nice warm shower in sunny San Mateo. And my toilet with the power flush and the 24-pack of triple roll Ultra Charmin within arms reach. And my TV. And my stereo. And my car. And my 384kbps cable internet. And sushi. And Thai food. And cuddling up under the covers in my bed. And carpeted floors underneath my feet. And watching the waves during quiet walks to San Francisco bay on sunny & breezy Saturday afternoons.

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6 Comments:

At 7/31/2006 12:55 PM, Blogger Gary said...

Hehe, I remember using the tabo for cold showers :-)

 
At 7/31/2006 8:26 PM, Blogger Randy said...

spoiled american bitch. =>

you're not filipino unless you:

1. use a tabo...not for showers. but for washing your ass after baking brownies.

2. to be continued...=)

as for the santol...you might get sniffed out by the dogs at the airport or during the customs point of entry. but i hope you can bring some back!!!

 
At 7/31/2006 9:33 PM, Blogger Big Sexy said...

Dood, I can't believe you don't have hot water. My parents house have it, although I tend to use more cold water towards the middle of my shower, tends to refresh me even more. But yeah, Randy's right, you're not a full fledged filipino unless you've used a tabo for your your ass..haha!

 
At 8/01/2006 4:51 AM, Blogger VirtualErn said...

Yeah, my Dad didn't install the inline water heater yet. The other place we stayed at in Cavite had it. But I'm getting used to it.

 
At 8/01/2006 10:35 AM, Blogger bev said...

i remember there is santol candy that is okay to bring back...

 
At 8/01/2006 7:44 PM, Blogger Big Sexy said...

Santol candy is alright, but it's not the same!

 

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