donger need food.

The Art Of Taking A Cold Shower

Phase One – Mental Preparation

1. Determine the optimal time for said shower: Carefully weigh the pros and cons between taking a shower when it’s hottest (cool and refreshing or freakin’ freezing depending on your viewpoint) – or coldest (maybe less of a shock to the system?)
2. Minimize the number of showers taken to reduce exposure to the cold water; but definitely take a shower at least once a week to avoid smelling like a bum.
3. Find a window during the day when the least amount of water is being used so that you won’t run out of water while the pump fills up the tank – that’s the worst thing to happen…no pressure in the middle of a cold shower.
4. OK, now gather the courage and finally face the cold hard fact that you’re going to have to take a shower, so just deal with it like a man.

Phase Two – The shower

1. Turn on the water, and let it run. Imagine the clean refreshing feeling of its coolness running down your skin coated with several days worth of diesel soot, sweat, and dried up DEET. Dip your hands underneath, and forget that it’s ice cold.
2. Start with the extremities – feet, then legs. Hands, then arms.
3. Work closer to the main part of your body now…let the water touch your belly, then your chest.
4. Wet your hair now. See, it’s not too bad…so let out a sigh of relief.
5. OK, shut off the water and take a quick break while you grab the shampoo bottle. Work it into your wet hair, and massage your scalp
6. The water’s back on now, so quickly dip it under the water – “brrrrrrrrr!!” Go ahead, let out a nice good shiver. As streams of water start dripping down your back, you realize it ain’t too bad.
7. And then you actually turn around and let the shower touch your back: BRRRRRR!!!! Got damnit that’s FREAKIN’ cold!!!!
8. Now just finish washing your face and you’re all done.
   

I sure miss my nice warm shower in sunny San Mateo. And my toilet with the power flush and the 24-pack of triple roll Ultra Charmin within arms reach. And my TV. And my stereo. And my car. And my 384kbps cable internet. And sushi. And Thai food. And cuddling up under the covers in my bed. And carpeted floors underneath my feet. And watching the waves during quiet walks to San Francisco bay on sunny & breezy Saturday afternoons.

posted by VirtualErn @ 8:16 AM

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